Cannabis Edibles are Evil – Reefer Madness Returns!
Break a fast, lunch, and dinnersupper has been a part of an American’s diet since America was created 2019 years ago. Every morning, we wake to have ourselves a nice glass of cow titty juice, some chicken embryos, pig back fat, and then go about our day. For lunch, we may eat a sammich made by our lovely wife. Then, for dinner, we have an All-American burger with five patties, 10 slices of cheese, 100 strips of bacon, and a Diet Coke.
This American diet helps us grow big and strong. Emphasis on big. However, those evil Communist weed slonkers are hiding their drug into foods that look innocent, but they are the product of Satan, Obama, and Willie Nelson. Here is why cannabis edibles are evil, and what you can do to protect yourself.
Cannabis Edibles are Evil! A cannabis edible is any type of food that is infused with cannabannoidoids. One popular edible is known as a CBD edible. CBD edibles, while not as pure evil as cannabis edibles, are still quite ebil. For one thing, these edibles can be found even in the reddest of states. The states of freedom have been taken over by the Communists! Indeed, cannabis edibles are evil.
Anyway, CBD claims to deliver relief without the user getting high. Unbeknownest to them, they are floating up to heaven, and then being cast down to hell WHERE THEY WILL BURN FOREVER AND EVER AND EVE-
Another popular edible is the THC edible. If you’re ever out trick or treating, and someone gives your child a brownie, which totally happens all the time by the way, it may be infused with TLC. THC edibles make you trip balls while Satan kicks your balls. This is because when you consume cannabis, you can get even higher than smoking.
When you smoke the Devil’s reefer, it has to go through your lungs and give it cancer (unlike a nice menthol cigarette.) Because it has to go through there, it delivers less cannonballs. However, if you put it in your stomach, the THC gets absorbed even more.
This process takes much longer to see the effects. It’s like a ticking time bomb that you’re blissfully unaware of until it goes boom! Anyway, about half an hour to two hours, it hits you. You’ll soon see why cannabis edibles are evil.
When you eat it, the edible is metabolized by the liver. The poor liver is only designed for binge drinking, yet those evil stoners feed it the pot. Poor liver. The liver has to create something known as 11 hydroxycut THC, which crosses the blood-brain barrier better. That’s quite an alliteration, little Jimmy.
Even though I know cannabis edibles are evil, some Commie scientoligists out there will say that cannabis edibles are safer than smoking because you aren’t inhaling any smoke. They say that it gives you an intenser body high. Yuck!
What makes it even worse is the culture surrounding it. Some people (AKA dirty Commununists) will claim that making edibles is a bonding experience, that it’s fun for them to sit around and trade recipes and techniques. Apparently, preparing the cannabis is a complex process and many people will have their own techniques to get the most THC out of the strain. Again, yuck. Why is having fun such a hassle? When I have fun, I just down a bunch of beers and beat my wife and kids. That’s the true American dream. Being high off a brownie? The only brownies I need are the ones that grandmamamamama used to make.
And another thing. I am sick of seeing every single one of them dirty Communist hippies always taking photos of their food. Instead of praying to American Jesus like we used to before we ate our quadruple cheeseburger, we are now taking a picture of our gluten free, vegan, non-GMO, taste free weed brownie and posting on Instamagram, Fakebook, and Twatter. Discusting!
What can I say other than cannabis edibles are evil? Some will disagree and say that cannabis edibles can make you feel more creative and enhance your mood like you’re in the middle of a movie. I say that if I want to see a movie, I’d take little Timmy to the theater, grab myself a nice bowl of butter with a bit of popcorn, and watch Transmorfers 10. That is a great time for me.
Others say that cannabis edibles can relieve pain. Well, you won’t be in pain after our police force BEATS YOU WITHIN AN INCH OF YOUR LIFE. I’m sorry for that outburst; the holy spirit was taking over for a second. And that holy spirit says that if you want nutrition and want to relieve your pain, you have a few hoptions available. These include:
- Sodey pop. This drink is sweetened with more processed sugar that should even fit in that can! That’s pure American magic right there. If you are watching your weight, try sodey pop with aspergertame.
- Sports drinks. These drinks can make you sweat red, white, and blue and are designed to relieve you after a hard day of working out. After you walk around the house to grab another sodey pop, you need a good ol glass of sugary sports drinks to get those electromolytes.
- Corn syrup dogs. A hot dog is the American pasttime. It’s made from mechanically separated pig hearts, chicken spinchters, and cow necks. It goes great on a bleached bun and you can dip it in some high frucamotose corn syrup. Corn is a healthy vegetable, so how can you go wrong with it?
- Finally, you can down it with a nice glass of beer. If you want a high, get yourself intoxicated with legal alcohol.
If you still need pain relief, try an oxycoton. Oxyclean is a great pill to relieve pain, and it’s only as half addictive as THE POT.
Anyway, that’s why cannabis edibles are evil. If I see you eating one, you’ll be eating a nice meal IN PRISON.